You mean there's actually another kind of hippie?

The Doo Dah Queen and King: You know your royalty is getting old when the scepter becomes a walking stick!

A live (and all to literal) demonstration of R. Kelly's Hip Hop sensation "Junk In Your Trunk."

An expert baton twirler: In and out of the bedroom.

The trouble with signage ambiguity: Do you two hate the current President or are you vehemently professing your heterosexuality?

DaVinci's Code: "When I painted her in the 1500s my dream of being endlessly reproduced on crap made in China remained hopelessly unfulfilled."

"Hello! PETA? You need to get here double-quick. Slam my owner's ass in your jail. I'm being tortured by standing in the rain for hours watching humans being idiotic!"

No Shit, Sherlock!

Rain-related precautionary overkill.

If you're going to flatten Santa and Mrs. Claus in a hit-and-run, at least remove the evidence before you parade your vehicle at Doo Dah.

Because impeachment just seems so passé, so yesterday!

Lady! It's the 4th of July. You're either with us or against us.

His playing was so bad, it was literally a hair-raising experience.

It's nice to see humans making other humans do stupid tricks for a change!

When we send the tomatoes to Guantanamo they won't be the only vegetables there!

Grand Marshall Buck Rinehart: Not Driving Under the Influence anymore - just Riding Under the Influence.

A lovely metaphor. Look how even the Liberty Bell has shrunk in the last eight years!

Commercial product placement even at Doo Dah: The Gospel According to Gillette.

Or sending them your outfit would have just as devastating an effect - as bombing them, that is.

With all this rain I hope you rust-proofed your tittie-wear!

Amen! 'Cause it's been silenced far too long!

Take your pipe dream elsewhere, sailor! This is America under Bush-Cheney.

This is just absurd. What's a historical relic, not in use for eons, doing in a fun, whimsical parade like this?

Both are exorbitant these days. Both in short supply.

I can get into deep shit for burning the flag but he can wrap his naughty bits in it?

The Olsen twins out for a ride.

Just like they ended poverty and won the war on drugs!

Those Freudian dangling chads were controversial enough. Now they'll be all sticky to boot!

Count votes? Puh-lease! That would mean we lived in a democracy!

As though karaoke wasn't annoying enough in bars, he had to go bring it out into the streets.

This is what happens when the post office doesn't deliver holiday memos on time.

Amy Winehouse loses her bee-hive hairdo!

Sir, usually men name their privates with more flattering monikers.

What she said to her husband: "If you wear that, maybe we'd get our bedroom mojo back!"

Do we really need another 4-8 years with a guy who plays with his balls for a living?

In a bad economy they'll ask for tips just for marching past you in the parade!

Is that like the Rush Limbaugh fact-checking department?

Hey, Stupid! This is a parade for progressives and liberals!!!

Saturday Night Live's Ambiguously Gay Duo in the Short North where there ain't nothing ambiguous about the gays.

If the economy goes any further south, they'll have to add a 'D' to the end of this banner.

Really? Then why did this parade go on and on for hours in the pouring rain?

And now ladies and gentlemen, a very literate drug addict.

"If you don't stop taking photos of me, I'm gonna kick your prying ass all the way to Krypton!"

Geesh! Stop being such exhibitionists!

Somewhere in Upper Arlington a patio table was getting drenched!

Not for any lack of the U.S. Government trying desperately!

But then we'd know your religion!

TBDBITL: The best DAMNED band in the land!

.... and too smart!

Sky-rocketing crime. Rising unemployment. Record foreclosures. No wonder Mayor Coleman had to launch a new face-saving initiative.

How about f'ing 4 peace and bombing all these self-righteous virginity proponents!